


forever is over

by cobblestaubrey



Series: c'est la vie [9]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Flashbacks, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28377963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobblestaubrey/pseuds/cobblestaubrey
Summary: "It takes a few weeks after her last text to Gigi for her to realize maybe she’s over it, because maybe she’ll never get over it fully."How many hearts can she break before she'll be happy, too?
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd (past), Nicky Doll/Crystal Methyd (past)
Series: c'est la vie [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979863
Comments: 11
Kudos: 11





	forever is over

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, I feel kinda blegh writing about Crystal and Daegen being friends bc of everything that's happened and obviously I don't know the whole story so I'm just not gonna think about it, but this is a fictional story with fictional characters and idk I'm just trying to be a good person LOL
> 
> Anyway, this is the ninth part, and I needed to add Crystal's perspective before the last story (we've still got another Rock story, and a Jan story, then the end).

It takes a few weeks after her last text to Gigi for her to realize maybe she’s over it, because maybe she’ll never get over it fully. 

She’ll always love Gigi in some way or another, because you never really forget your first love. That shit sticks. 

She’ll always love Nicky in some way, too, because your second love is like your second shot, and you know so much more. It’s like having hindsight before you fuck up, and still fucking up because she’s got third and fourth loves to get through after that. 

It still hurts like a bitch, though, watching your first two loves move on. She tries not to notice, obviously, because she’s got her own life to work on, but it’s hard when Nicky’s coy smiles are directed at a girl who doesn’t know the blonde inside and out, or when your first love comes out for another girl. 

Especially when she wouldn’t for you. 

“That’s why you disappeared after prom?” Daegen asks.

After months and months of hanging out with Nicky, and months before that preoccupying herself with Gigi and pretending not to care about her, it feels nice to be sat on the grass, still covered in some dew, skipping third period with her three best friends. 

She can smell that newly clipped grass, while she tries to push away her thoughts by watching the clouds above her head float by. 

“Yeah,” she lets a little smirk press into her cheeks, because she remembers that night fondly, regardless of what happened before, during, or after. 

Lux snorts, leaning back on her hands. She lets the bracelets she’s wearing fall down her wrists, jingling at the bottom. They reflect in the sunlight, so Crystal has to force her eyes away, directing them at Lux’s own. "It took you two years to tell us you were fucking Gigi fucking Goode?” 

“Language,” Crystal admonishes, a lazy smile on her face. She leans herself against the broken, metal fencing behind her, watching as Daegen rolls another joint, packing it a little too full for Crystal’s own liking, but expertly nonetheless. 

“Of course you’d fall in love with two girls,” Daegen comments, her own head up in the clouds already.

“And lose them both!” Daya laughs. “Both! In one sweep? Fucking dominos.”

“I could go for _Dominos_.”

“Is this supposed to be making me feel better?” A laugh bubbles from within her. She lets her wrists hang over her knees, her head tilted back so she can just barely feel the fence through her thick locks. Nothing really makes her feel better nowadays about the whole thing, but she tries not to let it bother her. 

It does, though, when she gives herself a moment to breathe.

Because she's two months from graduating, and a month away from prom. Which means a little less than a year ago is when everything went to shit, and it's hard not to let everything starting replaying in her head.

_“I was just... angry. Like you backstabbed me or something.”_

_Rock's messages from the night before, after complete radio silence, settled thickly in Crystal's stomach, swarming with her anxiety. As soon as free period hit, Crystal dragged her feet to the school library, finding Rock sat at one of the computers, playing some mindless game to pass the time._

_She had slid into the seat next to her, waiting for Rock to say anything. The pink haired girl's eyes were glued to the screen, her hands moving expertly along the keyboard, yet she never looked down._

_It took minutes, but finally, Rock had mumbled something about Nicky, and it all made a whole lot of sense._

_Crystal sighed, drumming her fingers on the edge of the table. “She wasn’t yours, though.”_

_Rock’s expression was blank, her body rocking subtly back and forth in the wooden chair, letting the game's loading screen buzz in front of her. “I know.”_

_“I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you or something.”_

_“No, it’s - she never would’ve gone for me, anyway.” The shorter girl shrugged. Her hand reached up to flick at her nose, like she didn’t really care, her eyes downcast, tracing along the keys below her. She sounded resigned, and so much quieter than she usually did. It broke something inside of Crystal, wondering how many hearts she had to hurt before she got her happy ending, and if all those hearts would be worth by then. “She always had eyes for you.”_

_Crystal swallowed, looking around the room for an out of any kind. She couldn’t understand how Rock could be upset at a girl she never could have been with, who was just trying to be happy with someone else._

She rubs at her eyes to try and rid herself of that burning feeling, because she finally gets it, all too late. 

She’ll see Rock and Gigi sometimes, giggling like a bunch of fucking school children. Rock’s half a foot shorter, yet she’ll saunter up to Gigi like their shoes are flipped and filled. Leaning against lockers or sitting on library tables, Rock is there, never in physical contact with Gigi, but still so intimately with her that it makes Crystal think. 

She thinks bitterly back to her times avoiding Gigi in the lunchroom, keeping her eyes locked dead ahead as to pretend she didn’t have one girl she wanted to sit with. As long as she continued moving, she’d never have to know if Gigi was sparing her a glance back, or if she wanted her to, anyway. 

Rock has Gigi in the hallway, at lunch, in the classroom. She tags Gigi on her Instagram stories about stupid memes and Gigi posts pictures of the two in stores, buying a shit ton of junk food, and then pictures of them sneaking it into movies, like they’re dating or something. 

After everything Rock’s been through, Crystal wants to be over the moon for her.

The envy makes her sick.

Back in her junior year, she had to see Gigi with her boyfriend for _months_ ; she never really gave a shit about what they got up to when they were alone, though, 'cause Crystal knew Gigi loved her. 

But Gigi doesn’t love her anymore. 

Crystal passes her blunt to her left before she gives into the urge to stomp it. Her own hands are a little shaky, but she stuffs them into her pockets before anyone bothers to ask.

The jeers of her friends shake her from her thoughts.

“And then- then, movie moment!” Daegen starts laughing, pointing her blunt towards Crystal. “You’ve got good girl Jan Mantione dumping Jackie Cox for your dumbass, and you don’t even like her!”

“So that's three hearts broken? Nicky, Gigi, Jan-" Daya is counting off on her fingers, tilting her head like she's really got to think about this. "Four! Jackie counts, too, if you think about it.”

“Add Rock, then,” Crystal flicks a stray pebble on the ground, hearing her nail click against it while the other girls wait for her to elaborate. She never looks up, because her eyes are heavy and her head feels like a brick. “She got caught in the crossfire. Wrong place, wrong time.”

“Did you fuck Rock?”

She groans, because her friends are morons. “Oh my fucking God, have you guys ever heard a metaphor?”

“This is what happens when you date girls who don’t skip English.”

"'Guess so." Crystal throws her head back against the fence, letting it rattle against her back. She takes in a deep breath and feels it burn in her lungs from the secondhand smoke, but she doesn’t mind the pain. It doesn’t really feel like anything anymore. “It’s just fucked...”

Gigi was a wrench in her plans. 

_Gigi was laughing._

_That was really the first thing Crystal thought when she thought about it. Her head was tilted back, her eyes closed, her hand hovering inches from her mouth. It was loud, and boisterous, ringing in Crystal’s ears when her own died down._

_But she was laughing, because Crystal said some stupid joke about a teacher they shared, and Gigi got it._

_Even though Crystal knew it was off limits, she’d see Gigi in the hall and just watch. A whole other world unfurled under Gigi’s facade, but she never cracked a real smile. She smiled, yeah, but it was close lipped, and her nose didn’t scrunch up like it does when Crystal made a fool out of herself just for a reaction._

_Sometimes Gigi would move them from the grass to the jungle gym, just to be closer to the stars. She’d point out the easy stuff, like the Big Dipper, lining the sky so brilliantly and so boldly, and then the ones that were just dots in the sky to Crystal, like Scorpius and Orion. She’d spin tales of battles in the sky, using her fingers and hands to map out the world she was creating._

_Crystal would just watch, feeling like she was always on the tip of Gigi’s tongue._

_On the flip side, the North Star was the one Crystal knew, and she’d often let herself crane her neck all the way up, or lie down on that jungle gym with her legs hooked around a whining pole, just to get a good look._

_“I think it’s cool, it's always just there. Like, even though everything else is moving, it’s always right there.” She pointed upwards, letting Gigi take her time in joining her. “I think people need constants.”_

_“You’re mine,” Gigi breathed out, and it sounded like the climax to something, yet Crystal didn’t respond. She watched Gigi’s breaths puff out, swirling around in the cool, fall air, before they disappeared. Their even breaths left little silence, filling in the gaps where their script was supposed to be._

_The words wrapped Crystal in a warm blanket, but her throat was dry and she had no idea what to say back._

_“I love you,” she whispered, hoping the wind would take the sound with it._

In a way, Crystal thinks, picturing that moment in the clouds, that was the moment she knew what it felt to have the world in your back pocket, and still want it all. Because loving Gigi was never enough, she wanted to love Gigi in front of everyone else.

Some teacher is yelling in the background, but Crystal doesn’t want to go to any class today, regardless of how many bells ring. It’s one of those rare spring days when the snow is all melted and the sun is right above head, so she feels like a cat, stretching herself towards the sky. 

“I’m sorry, dude,” Lux reaches over to pat her on the shoulder, giving her what looks like a pretty sympathetic smile under all that makeup. “I really thought you and Nicky were gonna last.”

Crystal says nothing, looking past Lux and letting her eyes unfocus. The leaves turn into blobs in her vision and the line between the tree tops and the sky is clear.

It lets Crystal be truthful with herself, just for a moment.

“I didn’t.”

_Watching Nicky walk away stung worse than the wind whipping against her cheek. She reached her out, trying to grasp Nicky’s figure, which was already too far, and closed her hand. Nothing._

_Another figure was near, Gigi’s, right on top of the jungle gym. Her feet are stuck in the foot or so of snow, but she picks up her boots stiffly anyway._

_By the time she began climbing the metal bars that Gigi was laying on, her heart had risen to her throat. She swallowed it back down, letting herself sit close enough to Gigi to feel the warmth she let off._

_Never close enough to touch._

_“I’m sorry you heard all that stuff,” she mumbled, looking out into the distance._

_She couldn’t help herself, sparing a couple of glances towards Gigi, because the brunette was still as beautiful as ever._

_In some ways, it felt like Gigi never really left her mind, not for too long._

_Before Crystal could say a word, Gigi was out of sight, fading into the sidewalks._

_It was curtain call. The lights went down, the crowd stood up to leave, and Crystal was left alone, torn between two hearts._

_And she lost both._

“What was it about Gigi fucking Goode, anyway?” 

Lux asks it so bluntly, that it actually makes Crystal wonder for a second. 

She drums her hands against her knees, bobbing her head in time with the beat. She wants to mention something about the really, really late nights, where Gigi would agree to sneak into Crystal’s basement past midnight, and they’d watch a movie on the lowest volume they could. Sometimes Gigi would mute the entire thing, and start dubbing over it, making up her own jokes, and it took everything Crystal had not to burst out laughing as hard as she could.

She fondly pictures the nights they’d lay in Crystal’s twin bed, smushed together, letting the moon glow through the gap in the curtains. At that point, all Crystal could see was Gigi’s eyes and nose, so she’d let herself trace them, even as Gigi watched, unabashedly. 

Nothing compares to the feeling of Gigi’s hand in her own, her thumb rubbing over the scars that had faded over Crystal’s knuckles. 

But those aren’t any of the reasons she loved Nicky, so why are they so special, anyway?

Finally, she settles on “I don’t know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading.


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